Knowledge Is Pain
by Laura-Liz
Summary: After the struggle in Bevelle, the group are resting/hiding in Macalania Woods. Auron has wandered off so Rikku goes to look for him... *MASSIVE SPOILERS!*


"Can I help you?"

Rikku jumped. She had been creeping quietly through the trees to where Auron had been sat at the side of a small lake. She didn't know how he had heard her, but she had been discovered anyway. The blond girl walked over and sat against a tree behind Auron, her legs crossed.

The water shimmered blue from lights floating upwards from the surface and the trees overhanging swayed slightly in the breeze as silence encapsulated Macalania Woods.

"I…er, just wanted to ask you some things."

Auron smiled to himself. "What 'things'?"

"Well, I wondered if you know anything about Zanarkand." Auron heard her take out a Chocobo feather from her pack and he knew she was running it delicately through her fingers, feeling the individual strands of feather, silky against her skin. Often there were times when Rikku did this, out of nervousness or anticipation, and Auron often watched her skilful slender fingers soothe what she was holding. He couldn't bear to face her this time, though.

"What do you want to know?"

"Well…you've been…with Braska, right? To Zanarkand. So, you've seen the Final Aeon?"

"That is correct," he replied, closing his eyes waveringly, seeing Lord Braska clearly in his mind for what wasn't the first time. He often remembered parts of their journey as he protected Yuna along the same routes, though with Braska it had been less eventful and easier. But Auron relished a challenge.

"What's it like?" She had seen the Aeons that Yuna had summoned, and had gazed in awe at their patterned bodies, magical abilities and wondered what the person looked like who had given up their souls to be these holy entities.

Auron grimaced; his mind screamed for his mouth to speak the words he was thinking: We are the Final Aeon. But somehow, despite his desperation to forewarn the group, he managed to push the answer away from his mind. "You will see when we get there."

"What if I want to know now?" she asked, annoyance lacing her bitter question. Her fingers grasped the feather unnecessarily hard as she glared at Auron's back.

"Patience is a virtue."

Rikku sighed, shaking her head and softening her gaze. She watched the man remain remarkably still, his shoulders hunched over and his sword laying, as ever, close by on the ground. Rikku didn't understand him, at all, but something about him had reassured her, kept her safe, and made her braver.

"I know what you are."

It was a murmur so quiet, that Auron didn't make sense of it straight away. However, he continued to look away across the shining lake, his emotion was of impassive difference if anyone saw it.

"You're an unsent, aren't you?" Rikku muttered, gazing hopelessly away from his back. Auron turned his head sharply to catch the blond girl in the corner of his eye. She looked irritated, though with an air of superiority, as she didn't bother trying to meet his look. "You lied to us. How can we trust you when you lie? You just say 'keep going to Zanarkand' because it's Yuna's 'duty'. Well, if you-"

"How did you know?" He didn't sound angry, or upset, but calm; there was perhaps even a hint of admiration and amusement hidden deep in his voice that seemed interlaced with so many different levels of emotion. When Rikku didn't answer, Auron turned to face her fully, taking in her slim frame huddled together and her face in profile avoiding his dark-eyed questioning stare. He asked again.

"In Guadosalam, when Yuna was sending Jyscal, I watched you; it seemed like you were in a lot of pain or struggling." There was sympathy in her voice, but it was overpowered by the bitterness she now felt after discovering her suspicions were correct; Auron had lied to them. "And when Seymour said something about the scent of the Farplane in his house."

"If you're trying to blackmail me, it won't work; you'll have to wait till we get to-"

"That's not what this is about!" Rikku raised her voice and she turned to give him the strongest glare she could muster. In a nearby tree, a flock of birds took flight; white against the midnight sky. "This is about trust! Why didn't you tell us?"

Auron gazed at the floor, mesmerised by Rikku's courage, and suddenly felt like a young boy answering to his mother. "I need to keep Yuna and Tidus safe; I can't do that if I'm sent. I made a promise to both their fathers, and I'm a man of my word." He paused, remembering how he had died, re-living the pain, and he absentmindedly felt the scar that trailed over his right eye. "I can't risk the wrong people knowing."

"But what about the maesters? They're unsent!" Rikku's voice was full of despair now, and thick with sobs caught in her chest. "No one would care if they knew Mika was unsent!"

"The maesters are hypocrites; it is one law for them, and a different one for the rest of us." He watched anxiously as Rikku gasped a couple of times, gulping the clean air, trying to steady her emotions. "Besides," he grimaced, settling himself in a more comfortable position on the grass. "Who would believe the traitors who 'caused dire injury' to Maester Seymour and supposedly killed Kinoc?" Auron tried to keep himself impassive towards Rikku's sadness. He would not reach out and console her; no, she had to learn to control her feelings on her own.

It was a couple of minutes in which the only sound that was audible was Rikku's shallow breathing; neither of them spoke, but glanced around the woods as if seeing them for the first, or last, time.

"So, you're gonna just leave us? You can't just wander around Spira forever, right?"

"That is correct. I will leave you when Yuna has defeated Sin; not before." Auron knew that once Yuna had defeated Sin, Tidus would be safe too and his job would be done, and he could rest. "I can only guide her so far."

"You can tell us-…her what'll happen at Zanarkand!" she cried out desperately. How could he – the wisest of the group – not understand the logic behind simply informing them about the Final Aeon? "Then we'll be prepared, y'know? And nothing bad'll happen to Yunie!"

Auron grimaced again; his face turned away from the young girl, trying to think of the best way to not tell her anything but in a polite way. It was the hardest task Auron had ever undertaken; his inner conscience fought against common sense and his brow creased in a struggle. Looking deep into the emerald swirls of Rikku's eyes, he shook his head: "You will find out when we get there. I cannot tell you before; it is better for Yuna, and for everyone, to find out about the Final Aeon when they get to Zanarkand." He paused briefly, mulling over his next choice of words, before quickly beginning again: "Everyone's future, our future, is fraught with uncertainty; it is better not to know what will come, otherwise our lives will be much easier."

Rikku frowned in confusion; all anger and desperation disappeared from her face like sun chasing shadows. "I don't understand; isn't that good?" She sat up; attentive, puzzled, staring at Auron's profile.

He turned his whole body to watch the young girl; she had already changed since fighting Seymour in Bevelle. Despite her sudden alertness, she also seemed weary and her eyes were heavy with sadness, but her demeanour suggested that she was still going strong and that nothing could damage that defensive dominance. "Everything in our life, whether it is good or bad, happens for a reason, and it's better not to know so that we're unprepared; that's what makes us stronger."

Rikku thought this over, watching small insects hover lazily over the glassy surface of the smooth lake. As Auron watched Rikku, the minutes ticked by, and her eyelids began to droop. It was getting late, but Auron didn't want to move from the still quiet clearing; when he disappeared, let himself be swept away by the breeze of finality, he wanted to be somewhere like this. All his life he had fought, with steel and armour; a battle that didn't seem to end. His body screamed from exhaustion now; he had kept himself together for so long, when it would have simply been easier to relax. But he couldn't; he promised Jecht.

Auron looked over at Rikkku; her head kept lolling as she struggled to keep her eyes open. He smiled and quietly said: "Go to sleep, Rikku."

She lay down on the soft grass, breathing in the forest smell, curling into a foetal position; her blond hair flopped infront of her fluttering eyes. Auron's smile faded; he realised that at Rikku's age, he was training relentlessly to be a Warrior Monk, and – for a split second or two – a pang of regret coursed through him at the loss of his childhood. But things work out a certain way, and sometimes these things are unchangeable.

She shivered slightly, and Auron removed his cloak before placing it gently over her small body. She snuggled deeper into the crimson coat and a contented smile flickered across her face.

Before he was able to turn away, Rikku spoke again.

"Auron?" she whispered, lifting her head drowsily.

"Yes, Rikku?" He was surprised to hear himself speaking quietly, and smiled at the effect she had on him.

"Will you look after Yunie? When we get to Zanarkand?" she asked, laying her head back down on the soft grass.

He hesitated; he couldn't influence Yuna's decisions when they reached Zanarkand, but he didn't want to see her die an early death either. Auron remembered his anger towards Yunalesca when Jecht and Braska had died pointlessly, and for a moment he imagined his anguish at Yuna's death. Then he thought of how distraught Rikku would be.

"I will do my best to protect her."

But Rikku wasn't listening; she had already drifted off to sleep, her gentle breathing being the only sound penetrating the air.

Auron sat with one eye on her, as he continued to watch the gentle smooth surface of the lake, and recollected his journey with Braska from joyful start to tragic ending.


End file.
